TIPS FOR SURVIVING COLLEGE
* Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
* Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.
* Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.
* Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
* Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.
* If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
* Boring lecture? Start a wave!
* College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.
* "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.
* Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.
* Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.
* Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.
* Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."
* In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.