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Friday, June 17, 2011

Filipino College Jokes

joke source: http://www.candymag.com

HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?

In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where he found them?

UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the
bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
Holy Spirit - Ateneans and La Sallites want them in bed
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans... like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters

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MAHIRAP LAHAT

Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa Holy Spirit, mahirap umuwi pag may rally.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT.
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.


CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.

Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.

La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man.

Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin.

San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.

UP reported that they killed the three wise men.



MAGIC MIRROR

There was a magic mirror. Anyone in front of it who says a lie immediately dies.

Three Students: an Atenean, a UPian, and a La Sallite went to see the magic mirror

First, the Atenean faces the mirror and says "I think I'm smart!" He immediately falls dead on the floor.

Next, the UPian braves the mirror and says " I think I'm rich!" He gets stoned to death by an angry mob.

Lastly, the La Sallite dares the mirror and says "I think... ..." But he gets struck by lightning upon saying "I think... ..."


A MURDER MYSTERY (To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic)

Who committed the murder?

Suspects:
The Humble Atenean, The Bright La Sallite, The Innocent Maryknoller, The Unaffected Assumptionista, The UP Graduate

Culprit:
The UP Graduate

Logic:
No such thing as a Humble Atenean or a Bright La Sallite or an Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.

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